This is a picture of me lacking any photoshop ability.
Dear Person Reading This,
My name is Ben. The last time I wrote for this site the fall semester at Chapman University had yet to start. It was a simpler time, when no one knew who Sarah Palin was and I had yet to withdraw from swimming class after vomiting into a pile of dirty towels. For me, the Middlest Child was like the hamster of my childhood, annoying, time-consuming, and slowly dying. Also like Squash (that was my hamster’s name, by the way), the Middlest Child seemed to be running in a little wheel – just running and running but never going anywhere. More people stopped by to watch the hamster/website run, but not many stayed to appreciate the finer side of rodent/blog fitness. Only recently, however, have I realized that this simile doesn’t really make much sense.
Anyway, what I’m getting at is that I picked up the school newspaper today and there was an article about this very website. My name was in it. As I’m hardly associated with this site and haven’t written anything funny ever, I was outraged. I called my friends at the Middlest Child’s East L.A. offices in Montecito Heights to let them know how I felt. It turned into a friendly conversation, which wasn’t really what I was going for, so here are my true feelings:
I hate this website
So I just wrote this haiku
To express anger
That’s all I got. I know poetry can be hard to interpret, but I hope the meaning is clear.
Luckily, I’m not the type to sit idly by as a website I’m attached to dies. Thus, instead of green-lighting my spin off, The Onliest Child, I’ve decided to go on a Middlest Child de-suck-ifying campaign that will hopefully turn out better than my middle school student council campaign where this guy claiming to be my campaign manager stole another girl’s campaign pins, wrote my name on them and then stabbed people with the pointy part. So, if you’d like to be my campaign manager, help desuckify the Middlest Child, or just give me something to write about, email me with suggestions at Benjamin.Deeb@gmail.com. As an added incentive, if you send me an email and mention this article, I’ll write you the world’s best 150 word novel and publish it on this website.
Regards,
The Very Reverend Benjamin Nicklin Deeb, Ph.D., R.N., K.B.A., Esq., W.T.F.
