If you saw me walking down the street I know you would think that I probably have it all, and you would be pretty close to being correct. The trust fund that Mommy and Daddy dearest set up all those years ago has only increased due to the wise investing of Winchell St. Clair my portfolio manager. Heck, I could buy the island of Haiti twice over, and I just might do that so I can throw some serious, serious parties.
Sure I’m 6’4, sculpted and half white, half black. Do you know how perfect that is? Applying to college, check the minority box. Applying for a job, check the white box. Lets just say that things have a way of working out for me with the utmost ease.
Big dick? How about perfect sized. Not a gargantuan 10’ where one is left feeling like they had sex with a traffic cone, but certainly not an average forgettable 6. Ha, that would be so ridiculous.
So ya, my life is pretty perfect. Except for one area. I have been diagnosed with a severe case of attention deficit disorder. When I was a kid, it meant I couldn’t sit still during our class lesson on dinosaurs, or when we had painting time I went Jackson Pollock on the class room, or when the local police officer came in to quiz us on our addresses in case of an emergency I always responded with a “your house.”
Yet, now it only means that I cannot enjoy fellatio. When I wake up and you’re suckin my perfectly sized dick I think so myself “Watcha doin suckin my dick? Don’t you know I’m going to loose focus woman?”
I just can’t handle it. Me sitting there. You fellateing me. Sure you’re all busy focusing on a task at hand. But what about me! What am I supposed to do?! Just sit back and relax? Well I can’t do that. Half the time I end up going soft in your cheek and then one of two things happens. You get all upset because you think your bad at pleasing a man with your mouth. (Which may or may not be the case I wouldn’t know)
OR.
You call me gay.
What the fuck ladies. It’s not my fault you can’t please me. Why don’t you blame my chemical imbalance. Ya make fun of my disability, and why you’re at it next time you see a kid in a wheel chair put a metal rod in his spokes.
I’ve tried everything to keep myself erect and semen in your mouth. Or wherever you want me to cause I’m respectable like that.
Guys, have you ever tried to do a Rubik’s cube while a lady is going downtown? And, actually solved the cube? Ya, I have, right before I went completely limp. (But I still felt like a winner)
I asked my doctor about this and all he has to say is that I should try my hardest to simply focus on the sensation that I’m feeling.
Tried that.
Went like this…
Oh man. This could work. This shit is fucking insane. Oh, good God. I’m totally going to blow all in her mouth. Oh…should I ask her first if I can? Do I tell her when and just gauge her reaction? Shit, I’m not prepared for this….Fuck that’s good….You know who would know the answer to this…Yahoo Answers…God damn I love the internet…I wonder if McSweeney’s made a new post. I heard John Stewart sometimes writes for them, and how good is “The Daily show” Stephen Colbert is fantastic. I really liked him in….
Limp.
Story of my penis in mouth life.
So next time you see a filthy rich, 6’4, beautiful, sculpted, athletic, half white, half black, perfectly sized penis man walking down the street and you think to your self “I would trade places with him in a second. He must have it all.”
Remember, if that person were I, I would rather be a homeless, wheel-chaired, small dicked, midget, if it meant I could cum in your mouth.
